Texas Sized Tequila
by CyanideDreams610
Summary: A late New Year's fic. JxL. A certain someone gets completely plastered in a bar during New Year's Eve. Hilarity ensues. A part of my "Dialog of 100 Words" series. Don't have to read that to understand this. ONESHOT COMPLETE.


I originally planned to have this one posted up by New Year's, but...well......it was New Year's, c'mon. I went out and proceeded to do what mostly everyone else does on New Year's Eve: get plastered :P So...this is a belated New Year ficlet for you all. It was supposed to be a part of my "Dialog of 100 Words" fic (hence, the wacky format of just dialog and not specifying who's speaking, but you can definately figure out who's the drunk here XD), but I figured this one deserves its very own chapter.

* * *

"So…"  
"What?"  
"Do you know anyone named Jill?"  
"Oh, ha ha, that's really freakin hilarious."

~*~*~

"And did you guys go up a hill to fetch a pail of water?"  
"Leese…"  
"Did you fall down and –"  
"Are you drunk?"  
"I might be."

~*~*~

"So Cynthia said to me, she said, 'if I get to be a guy for one day, I'd stick my penis in every hole I can find.'"  
"Baby – "  
"And then I said to her, 'What happen if you stuck it in a light socket?'"  
"Babe – "  
"Then she said, 'That sounds horrible…but, I wonder what porn would do for me if I became a guy?'"  
"Sweetheart – "  
"So I said, "I think you'd make a bigger mess.'"  
"And I think you've had enough sea breezes for one right."

~*~*~

"OK, OK, so this one time –"  
"Not again."  
"This one time, back in high school, I was seeing this guy –"  
"Well, now this sounds more promising."  
"And he was an ass, more so than you are, in fact."  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome. So, this one time, my friend decided to prank him. She went up on stage during the talent show and said, 'I just want to ask you, on behalf of everyone here watching the show, do you like the penises?'"

~*~*~

"And guess what?!"  
"I don't want to know."  
"It turns out, he did, IN FACT, likes THE PENISES!"  
"Would you please stop saying 'penis'?"  
"We spotted him with a boyfriend a few weeks later! It was no wonder he was so stuck up, he's had a PENIS shoved up his ASS the whole time!"  
"Darling, I wish you had killed me."

~*~*~

"Oh, oh, I've got to tell you –"  
"Please, don't."  
"This was when I was around seven –"  
"Oh, in that case, this one can't be that bad."  
"My cousin was also around the same age. This was during Thanksgiving dinner. He ran down the stairs and proceeded to announce to everyone in the room that his vagina itches."  
"...I see..."  
"He was, and still is, a guy."

~*~*~

"I feel like throwing up...again."  
"I am completely unsympathetic to your plight; you deserve it."  
"That's not very nice…"  
"You won't be very nice either if you had to deal with...you – drunk."  
"Did I yell 'penis' in a bar-full of people last night? I can't remember."  
"Yes. Yes, you did. Four times. You've even added one 'vagina' into the mix."  
"I hope no one heard that."  
"Everyone in the six block radius heard that."

~*~*~

"Why did you let me drink so much, you horrible, horrible person?"  
"I didn't figure you for a lightweight."  
"I'm not!"  
"You had one drink."  
"Yea, one TEXAS-SIZED drink! They're the size of FISHBOWLS!"  
"One hell of a way to ring in the New Year, I might add."  
"Screw you."  
"Happy New Year to you too, Leese."

**COMPLETE**

* * *

These are, unfortunately, all based on my real life conversations I've had with friends while intoxicated (except for the "Jack and Jill" one, because I don't know anyone named Jack lol). And if you're around New York City, you can go to Times Square and eat at this place called "Dallas BBQ". They serve drinks that you can request to have them made as "Texas-Sized." Yes, they are, in fact, the size of small fishbowls. I had one and I was knocked off my feet for the rest of the night (the fact that I'm the typical Asian chick that doesn't have much of a tolerance for alcohol does not help what-so-ever). Oh, and I'm very well aware that sea breezes uses vodka and not tequila, but, I figured tequila had a nicer ring to it than "Texas-Sized Seabreeze" XD

Happy Belated New Year, everyone! Please review!


End file.
